Tuesday, September 04, 2007
&i know iyll b ok, tho my skies are turning grey.
hello pee-pole! haha.
idk what to blog. feels like theres no reason for me to blog.
somehow, i guess iym no longer everyone's close friends. &each &every time i address this matter, one by one, they wld say, they wld b there for me, i can count on them &all this shits. why is it only when i talk abt it then they wld come &tell me all this shits? why cant they say all these things w/o me 'urging' them to? urgh!
its like everyone forgets abt me. go la go. make plans w/o letting me know. iym no longer as important to you ryte? ohh ya. i forget abt how you guys think. i have a bf, so, i shld waste all my time with him ryte? i have no time at all for you guys ryte? well, go to hell la to anyone who thinks tt way. i treasure my close ones as much as i treasure him la eyy! i count on both parties alot. i dont ask for much oryte? &even more when he's no longer here, &supposingly when i need you guys to understand me more, i dont ask for so much.
in fact, i didnt even ask for anything! i didnt even tell most of you guys cos i dont want you guys to like 'pity' me or watever. cos i know, it wld make me feel worse. &there you go, saying tt iym no longer the person tt you used to know, tt i used to be. cos iym keeping more things to myself. its okeh. i dont blame you guys laa. mayb you want to know more, mayb you dont even know who i am anymore. i dont blame you guys.
i think ive been thinking too much. &my situation is getting frm bad to worse. &this fucking house is making things even more worse! urgh! i feel like pulling my hair until it cant be pulled anymore! &each &every single time iym ALMOST there to adjust myself to this stupid situation, someone, somehow, steps in &make everything turn one whole big round &back to square one.
omg! i feel like giving up! idk where else to turn to. ryte now, i only have myself to lean on, to cry on, to depend on. yes. me, myself &i. no one else but me. okeh?
&yes. i still love my bf no matter what. i dont care of what everyone's thinking. you might think tt iym crazy or i might just give up on him ryte? *TEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTT!* youre wrong. cos iyll never give up &iym holding on to everything tts left. come, watch me as i wait patiently okeh? [=
well, you know what? forget abt tt. haha. mayb iym making a mistake to let it all out here. but i just cant stop myself. yah, forget abt it. cos everyone hates to see me this way ryte? so i guess iyll try to b okeh. iyll try my very best not to show my real feelings. cos i know you guys wont like it ryte? oryte then. all bcos you you guys, iyll fake everything out. iyll just pretend tt iym happy when iym not. &dont blame me when i get soo high cos iym letting everything out. &dont stop me frm getting high cos its the only way i can release my stress, cos you guys dont let me cry ryte? iyll save my tears for home okeh? [=
just one thing iym asking, dont approach me when i get soo high. join me. dont stop me. cos when i stop, iyll cry. trust me. &i promise not to emoshit at school. or outside school or watever laa. haha. okeh? [=
okeh! dahh. finish. haha.
ohh yessaaa! i need to mugggggggggggggggggg! &i fuckingly cant go out. i think. haha. iym going to fast until fasting month comes. i have to pay back laa. bodo. haha.
&i dont want to go for the act3 thinggy pls? pakse pakse. pi dah! haha.
i dont know what else to say. ive been listening to many songs. making my mood swing like hell. haha. cool ekhs? ermm, okehhh. i know you dont understand laa. haha. okeh. iym laughing to myself. hahaha.
okeh laa. go laa. tag all you want. my tag board is dead anyway. &so is my blog. haha.
iyll leave you with this song. read it. somehow, in a way laa. it describes me.
oryteee. byee!
lovessss~ [:
She was done before the start, always mending broken hearts
Making others miserable not knowing who she's hurting
Father said, "This day would be, one for everyone to see"
Is it true you'll follow suit and have you learned a thing?
It's just a selfish way to go, it's safe to say she'll never know
For every person there's a whole life story waiting to be told
When she is happy it's OK, but when these people start to fade
Then we'll just watch her self-destruct as she gets old
She put up defensive shields, to walk through all of life's minefields
All defined by make-up and a car behind she's hiding
"Father do you have to go, left me questions I dont know"
Any answer or even close the life time lie was true
She's gonna move on with her life, and take it one heart at a time
And watch the little girl inside her wait behind as she moves on
But with this black heart she decides, who she'll take in and shove aside
Until the day she sees that everyone is gone
Getting used to people leaving, thinking true love is deceiving
Soon she'll know how lonely it can be
Now was it really worth the pain? A couple pills make her feel sane
While she lives out the story written for the part she is to play
With so much shame for her to hide, there's no more dignity, no pride
Then there will only be dark in her light of day
And she will only see a reflection, of her father's rejection
Nothing will change until she breaks this life, this life-size mirror
9:48 PM
